THE HISTORY OF MISERY

the History of Misery

A miserable man and a young girl meet accidentally to find that the past is always beginning.

My  book “the History of Misery” it is now available IN CANADA in paperback for $9.29 or ebook $2.99.
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Lucky Pig!

“Lucky pig. Not for eating” read the label on the huge jar on the counter. 
Kim and I were in Savanna where this caught my eye. It was full of little pink rubber piggies.  Apparently, so the label continued, “Glucksshwein” was a German saying that dated back to hard times and having a pig meant you were very lucky indeed. Hey! Everyone likes to have luck right? So I bought one and we carried it home back to Windsor, Ontario. 
We left Savanna and drove to Tampa Bay to visit with Kim Dad for the holiday. That night he was taken to the hospital with chest pains. Heart problems. Fortunately he was out the next day but told to take it easy while they arrange a date to have a heart valve repaired. 

I had come down with a nasty cold and on the way home Kim caught it we are still trying to get over it. 

The first morning home there was a knock on the door. It was the buildings plumber, there was a leak in the storage rooms hallway below us. Could I check your bathroom? The seal in our tub had dried out and the water was leaking through it.  I paid him cash and closed the door wishing him a happy new year and please - don’t come back. We both laughed and waved goodbye. 

The second day, Kim had gone to the mailbox and found that her income tax had been reassessed. She had 17 days to pay it with incurring more interest charges. Bummer. 
The following day I got my reassessment. 
Lucky Pig? 
We decided it was time to take the pig for a walk. Out in the cold wind we went, walking briskly to the Detroit river which was just in front of our condo. I place piggy on the railing to get my gloves off and darn if a sudden gust of wind didn’t blow him over into the river. We watched as he floated quickly away. I swear I saw a fish come up and all that was left was the ripples in the water. 
I wished the fish lots of luck but had at the time a suspicion it would soon be caught and the fisherman will laugh at his surprise of finding a little good luck pig inside. If he only knew…….

Jesus asks A Favour.....

I was sitting on a park bench 
Having a coffee, reading my paper,
Looking for a deal! 
When a familiar looking stranger came walking (over) to me. 
He said: 

“My Name is Jesus 
Can I ask you a question? 
Can I sit beside you? 

I’ve been doing this for a long, long time !
I was there before they crucified me !
I have always been and always will be !

I’ve been doing this for a long, long time....
We all believe but we all deceive 
I’ve been doing this a long, long time 
But I see no changes from what used to be.
I’d like to take a day off , take a small holiday, Do you think you could fill in for me?
I’ve been doing this a long long time."

 

 I Like Christmas.

I like the idea - you know - Peace and Goodwill to man 
(and women ) etc., But lately I can see why some go stark raving at the commercialization 
crazed guzzlumption - a guilty-like daze to balance the lack of love, actions, sayings, attention, 
(you can continue to add to the list here…..) 
When Christ said Redemption is close at hand I don’t think he meant 
“reach for your credit card.”

(read as fast as you can)

FAST! 
I want to go fast! 
I want to Get There 
I need to Get Things 
I need things Done 
I want to go
fast! 

I want to go fast! 
I got to get me there 
I got to get this and that
I need Say hi to you 
Then say good bye to you

I want to go fast! 
I’m late by a minute 
I’m late by a mile 
I go early and never leave  last 
I want to go fast! 

I got to go

Fast!,

Faster!,   

FAST!

 

Middle Man 

I am the middleman 
Not too high not too low 
Not too right not too left 
Never too happy 
Never too sad 

I am the middleman 
I’m not the smartest 
I’m not the dumbest 
I’m not too quiet 
I’m not too loud 

I am the middleman 
Between mortal and immortal 
Between right and wrong 
Conscious and unconscious 
Between life and after 

I am the middleman

Miracle Product

There was a fellow in the early seventies who thought he had invented the MIRACLE PRODUCT.
What he did was collect ashes from cigarettes and joints (about 1/2 and 1/2)  added a few herbs and made a shampoo to invigorate your hair roots solving any dandruff issues. 
What the stuff did was zonk everything and the dandruff particles would float up into the sky. 
Success became a problem as the sky began to collect clouds of dandruff. 
Planes crashed into them , sun-rays were blocked, fog in the city was thick as meatloaf. 
Dandruff pollution became a new hazard and earned the nickname Flake head Cloud formations!
Everything was quickly solved though when another enterprising fellow collected the dandruff clouds and towed them with helicopters to deliver to needy and starving cannibals. 

Life is a List 

It would be nice to be able to control the chaos that constantly churns around my life every day. 
If it’s not the weather – it’s my family – if it’s not my life in general – it’s the future, the past, or the present. 
Is there a centre of peace – calm – tranquility? A haven?   
The centre of a tornado I’m told. 

Isn’t that just what it’s like at times. 
Meditation a likely answer? 
Or I could just stop all input. 
No news, no people , no commotion. 
Hide! 

My quota for unexpected chaos is usually sustainable. 
I can handle it. 
It swells and dissipates. 
Waves – crests and troughs, troughs and waves 

I don’t want to hide. 
I like life. Life is chaos. Always something needing to be done. 
Life is a list. 
Now that’s true.

 

Vampire Peacocks

The Culture Vultures preen
Marching their bands of brands
Always happening - always seen in the scene
Huddle like puddles of diamonds
While worshipping pretenders form an outer shell?

The younger, want to be older
The older to be younger
Both unaware of the inversions to come.
from more of best
to less of the rest.

 

Weave and Cleave

A Strange Dream

Well soldier, there’s the enemy, he pointed down a slight slope covered with tall grasses and shrubs. What’s your plan?
This was my first chance to show my skills in sussing out the enemy. A half circle of new recruits fanned out behind us, watching this demonstration by newly promoted me!
SIR! I’m going to Cleave and Weave!
The Sargent, his face turning red. “CLEAVE and WEAVE!” He shouted.
I hope you’re not planning to knit a sweater for them?, What the hell is Weave and Cleave?”
“SIR!” I replied, I held my right arm out ,my hand turned sideways, I began to chop down and then slowly push the imagined debris to the right out of the way. I did that a couple of times. “I’ll CLEAVE the enemy, separate them away from each other, isolate. Then with my left hand held straight out in front, palm facing the ground I moved it slowly left to right and back and forth, wiggling my fingers slowly. “THEN I’ll WEAVE amongst them unaware and take them by surprise!
“I can hardy wait” was the reply.
I flattened myself out on the ground and crawled and slid into the grass, my head popping up occasionally to take bearings. Eventually after what seemed like an hour but probably was only 5-7 minutes I found myself up against a wall. Wall? I could go no further down, No enemy.
I began crawling left following the wall and in a couple of minutes came up against another wall heading up to the top of the hill in a straight line ending some distance to the left of the recruits.
“What the heck” I wondered. I took a quick peak up and saw an individual walking down the hill towards me. I could see no others so I stood and shouted out “STOP!” I slowly walked towards him, now both hands straight out in front of me. Each hand with a small hat pin held between the thumb and index finger.
As I got closer I suddenly realized this enemy was no other than the prime minister of Canada. Justin Trudeau. “He must be taking part in the demonstration I thought.
The hat pin in my left had was slightly pink and I stopped to figure out why.
AT that moment I woke up laughing, CLEAVE and WEAVE, Oh my god, I half fell out of bed and stumbled into the living room to find a pen and paper, CLEAVE and WEAVE, I was laughing at the sound of it and imaging it as an actual military maneuver.
Crazy dream. And so my day started.